The Strange and Curious Guide to Trauma by Sally Donovan

From a personal viewpoint as an adoptive parent, coming to an understanding of the potential impact of trauma on a child’s emotional and social development was crucial if I was to meet my children’s needs. 

Subsequently, the desire to somehow share that understanding with my children and help them appreciate where their behaviours may be coming from also became a goal.  If only this skilfully told story by Sally Donovan had been around a few years ago!
 

Cleverly illustrated and formatted, Donovan’s latest story, aimed at 8 to 12 year olds, provides the perfect vehicle through which to gently explain and highlight the key concepts around trauma and attachment.  From Wendy the ‘wonky’ carrot to Courtney Cortisol, a number of likeable characters are used playfully yet also as representations of serious aspects in trauma-informed approaches. They are weaved through the story of Ordinary Jo as we witness how he reacts to his encounter with a Baboon on Baboon Tuesday.  Indeed it is the careful blending of the actual words (trauma, adrenaline, amygdala etc.) with characterisations and names which makes this book so accessible and powerful. 

​Trauma is such an overused word yet a concept which is often not fully understood in all its complexity.  Here it is not disguised nor oversimplified, rather it is broken down tactfully and presented in chunks which can be easily understood by young people.  Use of the correct terminology, albeit in an age-appropriate manner, is important if we are to begin the process of fully informing our young people about their brains.
 
Donovan also takes us back to early childhood as she describes how babies’ brains develop.  Lego is used as a metaphor here in one of the many nods to children and young people’s realities which make this story so relatable.  Images support the writing extremely well and there is clever use of fonts to reinforce key messages.  There are ‘remembering boxes’ and bullet points as well as a comprehensive and succinctly expressed list of possible behaviours of trauma-experienced children. 
 
Undoubtedly, children and adults alike will learn much from this short story into our ‘inside life’.  As Donovan states, we are ‘team human’ and it is about time that we realise that learning about trauma is indeed a ‘superpower’.  

Reviewed by Christine Hadfield

​The Simple Guide to Sensitive Boys: How to nurture children and avoid trauma, by Betsy de Thierry. 
 
I love small clearly written and accessible guides, especially about heavy or difficult subjects. Betsy de Thierry’s books usually fit that brief and this one is no exception. Sensitive Boys landed on my desk at a time when I was working with a sensitive boy who felt he had to put on a helmet and wield a toy sword before he left the therapy room, and I had been reading All our Sons by Allan Schore (2016).
 
De Thierry is clearly aware of Schore’s research, which evidences that boys - not just the sensitive ones - need more nurture than most of us give them. Boys are born more stressed and harder to soothe than girls. It is more difficult for them to attach and their brains and regulatory capacities develop at a slower pace than girls. Common sense would then suggest that we have to lavish them with nurture to avoid traumatizing them and yet our culture is one of “manning up” and telling hurt children that, “big boys don’t cry”. We punish, shame and humiliate our boys for their neurobiological vulnerabilities in the hope that it will toughen them up for a cruel world and then wonder why we find ourselves in the grip of toxic masculinity on a global scale. Clearly, as this book suggests, something has to shift!
 
With extra sensitive boys the problem worsens. De Thierry likens the sensitivity of some children to being “skinless”. It’s a wonderful metaphor for highlighting how tiny scratches can wound. I’m thinking of boys who cannot touch another child when lining up at school without feeling picked on, how falling in the playground can make them feel like the whole school day is unbearable, or contact sports send them into fight or flight. Add to that the sensory challenges, bullying and misunderstanding of children who are neurodiverse and we begin to see how some children who do not appear to have a trauma history can display symptoms of trauma. “But there is no trauma history,” is something I hear from school staff regularly when I do trauma training. Understanding how feeling things deeply, hurts deeply, can help us make sense of children’s responses to experiences that often seem normal.
 
This book delivers a lot for such a slim guide. There is information on the early years and the importance of managing children’s fears and anxieties instead of leaving them to deal with the tough stuff on their own.
 
The content is enhanced by short stories from sensitive boys about their own experiences and invitations to stop and reflect on some of our own perceptions of boys and ourselves in relation to them. As expected with de Thierry there are references to the power of shame and a lot on the importance of attachment and relational connection in terms of resilience building, soothing and regulation.
 
We are reminded of the number of men who suffer depression and anxiety yet never ask for help, perhaps because they feel to display such vulnerability is weakness. Sadly, we are also informed about the high rates of suicide in people over the age of 15 years, 78 per cent of whom are male.  The author encourages us to become agents of change by teaching emotional literacy and encouraging nurturing connections with boys and men. Most of all in this book, however, there is a sense of hope and an urge to believe in children, to support their psychosocial development and build their confidence. We are invited to help our children redefine the concept of masculinity, and to support them to use their gifts, gentleness, strengths and intelligence in ways that they can feel proud to be a boy and safe to live in the world.

Sheila Lavery

Superparenting: Boost your therapeutic parenting through 10 transformative steps by Dr Amber Elliott. 
 
The Super parenting approach involves learning and using Empathic Behaviour Management (EBM) to parent with empathy and connection while still trying to guide children towards more acceptable ways of communicating their needs. To understand EBM you’ll have to read the book but basically think Dan Hughes, Dan Siegel and even take yourself back 20 years to Caroline Archer and Christine Gordon, who set us all on the right track for therapeutically parenting survivors of childhood neglect and abuse.
 
Parents familiar with attuned empathic parenting know only too well that relationship is the key to regulating and repairing childhood hurts and that traditional behavioural management strategies are ineffective at best and more often than not, re-traumatising. In reality, seasoned adopters may be so familiar with the concept and the daily practice of therapeutic parenting that we forget it’s not the norm for most other parents or indeed many adults who engage with children. Regular reports from my granddaughter about, “what happened in school today” indicate that, sadly, shame-inducing, punitive reward and consequence approaches are still alive and well! Reflecting on that, I wondered what Amber Elliot could bring to an already well laden table of therapeutic parenting books…
 
Super parenting is so called for a couple of reasons. The first and most obvious one is that children with trauma histories need parents who have super-sized capacity in terms of understanding, empathy, psychological mindedness, resilience, tolerance, advocacy, etc. For me it also taps into the notion that as adopters and carers we are often expected to be superhuman, to “turn children’s lives around”, to do it quickly,  and without any psychological cost to ourselves. Thankfully, Amber Elliott recognises that our own stuff – our childhood experiences, attachment styles and cultural conditioning – can get in the way of the best intentions when emotions run high and the parenting rewards are few. She uses a tortoise and hare analogy based on fast and slow life history theory to explain how we act and react as parents because we parents have histories too you know and they are definitely going to get triggered by our kids. She identifies the need for awareness, self-acceptance, curiosity and compassion when dealing with our own shame and mistakes. This balance of meeting our own needs as well as our children’s is an important and often understated part of the parenting role. It was good to see the author give it the attention it deserved. Good also to see shame get addressed – it’s a big player in our family dynamics and is often avoided in parenting conversations, which probably says something about how society as a whole uses shame.
 
Dr Elliott considers the main obstacles to children being motivated by rewards and consequences: regulation of stress responses, poor impulse control, lack of trust, the power and control dynamic, and shame, being key. For readers familiar with DDP and the Dan Hughes PACE/PLACE approach, this will not be new territory but Dr Elliott presents the content in a helpful and logical way. Using the 10-step approach she explores family situational examples to illustrate how the relentless everyday stuff can wear you down and how things can get worse when we overreact or rely on praise, reward charts or relational deprivation for example. Best of all, there’s helpful suggestions that could turn around even really challenging situations.

Regulation of self and child, minimising shame while maintaining connection and boundaries are essential to the success of Superparenting. Parents (and teachers) often wonder how we can maintain boundaries and be flexible enough to meet the needs of the child. Flexibility does not mean giving in, it’s more about bending without breaking and that’s why we need to keep our own self- regulation and intersubjectivity skills in top condition. Without flexibility we find ourselves engaging in control battles that frankly we rarely win. It’s also helpful to remember that parenting is a marathon. The author does not offer any magic bullet approaches or fixes of any kind. I say that with relief, not as a criticism.
 
Superparenting proposes 10 helpful steps to transformation, while acknowledging that transformation can take time and can look different for everyone. It allows for the fact that we will all screw up (again and again) and that’s okay, relationships are built through rupture and repair - as long as the parents model repair – another reason to befriend our shame!  And, of course, there is a place for rewards in all family relationships. We all need our efforts rewarded and the author gives examples of inspiring and hopeful relational rewards that can work to motivate children and young people without the usual overtones of power and control.
 
At over 200 pages there is lot of reading here for busy parents and Amber Elliott is aware of this. She bookends the content with reminders to use it as a guide rather than a cover-to-cover must-read.  I like the suggestion that parents keep using techniques of their own that work as long as they align with the five-point nuts and bolts checklist. (Obviously, some techniques might look like they work when children are young because they secure obedience, but fear and shame can do that too). The super-short checklist neatly reminds us of what therapeutic approaches look like. All in all, I think this is a valuable text for new parents, or more experienced parents who have discovered their current strategies might need reviewing. It would also have real value for groups exploring and sharing parenting approaches.
 
Sheila Lavery
Adoptive parent, art psychotherapist and trauma educator

Tiny Spark of Hope: Healing Childhood Trauma in Adulthood by Kim Golding and Alexia Jones  

This is a very beautiful, vulnerable and brave story of healing.  Kim and Alexia together weave this story and the stories Kim writes through the therapy form the story within the story, bringing the process alive with imagery and narrative.

Alexia brings the ‘spark of hope’ with her as she seeks out Kim, a figure from her childhood who really saw her when others could not.  Kim holds this spark so carefully with her acceptance and her empathy and this part of their journey begins.

Alexia’s courage, openness and determination to do this journey flows through the pages.  She brings to life the ups and downs of the therapy journey and the realisation and eventual acceptance that we will not be ‘fixed’ by this journey.  I am so grateful to you, Alexia, for sharing your path with us and I have no doubt that this book will bring healing and connection for many who also walk a path that is similar to your own.

I recently heard Irving Yalom speak about his career and how important writing has always been to him.  He spoke about it being part of what helped him with his work and his desire to understand.  Kim’s art of narrative and desire to share what she has learnt feels to me that it resonates with my understanding of Yalom’s words about his writing.

Kim openly explores her hesitation with starting individual work with Alexia not having received a formal training in an individual psychotherapeutic approach.  She is encouraged to call on the DDP model to help inform her work, a model she is so very familiar with.  When I started to learn about DDP I was struck by how the work of Carl Rogers seemed to weave through all aspects of the model.  Dr. Dan Hughes had created a way of facilitating an environment where safety could be created between the therapist, the parent and the child.  An environment that could be gradually taken by the parent and the child back onto their own home.   Much like a blanket of empathy, unconditional positive regard and congruence for Carl Rogers or, in the language of DDP, Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy  (PACE).

Kim allows herself to become the kind person, guided by DDP, to come alongside Alexia to walk with her on her journey.  Kim helps us to see how the dyadic aspect of DDP means that there is a structure within which another very significant other can join the journey Alexia and Kim are on.  It allows the environment in which Alexia’s day to day life continues to be very much a part of the therapy.  This  ability to bring significant others into the work feels so very important for the adult who experienced early neglect and developmental trauma.  I am not aware enough of whether other approaches are able to incorporate the significant others into someones therapy, it was not recommended during my own integrative Counselling Training and for good reason.  But in finishing this book it struck me that Kim used DDP to help guide her into a beautiful piece of interpersonal and integrative therapy and introduces us to how DDP could help guide individual psychotherapists into working with a clients wider network.

This is a gift of a book for me as it brings two of my worlds together, that of DDP Practitioner and Psychotherapeutic Counsellor.  I will be recommending it to the professionals in both sides of my working life as well as some of my clients at the right time.

Thank you.

Anna Binnie-Dawson
Occupational Therapist (RCOT), Psychotherapeutic Counsellor (UKCP) and DDP Practitioner, Consultant and Trainer (DDPi)

Working with Relational Trauma in Schools: An Educator's Guide to Using Dyadic Developmental Practice 
(Guides to Working with Relational Trauma Using DDP) by Louise Michelle Bombèr (Author), Kim Golding (Author), Sian Phillips (Author), Dan Hughes (Foreword)

A collaboration between practitioners of such esteem as Kim Golding, Sian Phillips and Louise Bomber cannot fail to grab the attention of anyone who seeks to learn more about developmental trauma. 



​The first of a planned series examining how DDP (Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy) principles can be applied in different settings, this book is a welcome addition to the growing literature on how schools and educators address the needs of vulnerable pupils.  The focus on the theory and practices associated with DDP and how these may be applied by school staff is timely and informative. 

The authors very much focus on educators rather than just teachers as they are keen proponents of the team pupil approach, something which is crucial if trauma-informed approaches are to become embedded in whole school practice and ethos.  The premise of the book is that educators are not therapists, nor should they be expected to be, but that using the principles of DDP and accepting them as a ‘way of being’ is essential if we are to address the needs of our vulnerable pupils.  It is enlightening, then, that the educator remains at the heart of the theory explored in the book.

Chapters 1 to 3 introduce some key concepts providing theory in typically easy-to-access manner.  We learn about blocked trust, the reasons behind it but, most importantly here, how it can impact on a daily basis within the classroom.  Intersubjectivity and the powerful, though often overlooked, consequences of shame are discussed in chapter 2 and, again, they are skilfully related to what happens between educator and pupil.  Where the writing is interspersed with specific examples it is most impactful as we find ourselves recognising behaviours we may have encountered in our own experience. Moving on to how we may address these behaviours, chapter 3 looks at building connections encouraging educators to be ‘trust builders’ and ‘emotional detectives’.  The analogy of the river of integration in which we are tasked with remaining open, engaged and flexible is a useful one while the section on mind-mindedness reminds us of the skills we can all develop. 
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Many readers of this book will be familiar with the need for PACE (playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy) in our interactions with young people but chapter 4 goes beyond simple information-giving and prompts us to consider how we demonstrate and live PACE as a philosophy rather than label it as a set of strategies.  Like driving a car, the authors write, each of the skills involved are crucial parts of an even more significant ‘whole’.  Similarly, it is not something that can be learned overnight.  Chapter 5 provides a very useful set of frequently asked questions which heads of service might find helpful for training purposes.  Chapter 6 looks on the surface like a collection of ideas but here we consider, amongst other areas, the use of praise and rewards with vulnerable children.  The language used throughout is about ‘supporting’ behaviour rather than ‘managing’ it and practices are critiqued constructively with very clear and thoughtful advice provided. 

Chapters 7 to 10 offer further practical advice but steer clear of doomed-to-fail ‘tips for teachers’ instead asking us to consider how we may adapt our mindsets and predominant modus operandi in order to build relationships, create safe learning environments and become authoritative educators.   That said, the consistent message remains that this is no easy or simple task and that the challenges faced when trying to do this can be immense.  The authors accept that all of this is often easier said than done and they are clear that educators need time, self-compassion and support from colleagues.  Far from being a supplementary thought, as is often the case, this point is reiterated in particular with chapters 11 and 12 where we are asked to consider our own attachment patterns and how we may look after ourselves.  

It is here where this book excels.  That is, the authors have managed to steer clear of the sometimes idealistic-sounding advice that educators get and produce a work that acknowledges the challenges, places the educator at the centre and offers sensitive, practical and realistic guidance. The interlacing of examples illustrates both how common and understandable it is to ‘get it wrong’ as well as how scenarios may be approached differently.  Ideas are presented concisely and a number of broad strategies, like ‘follow-lead-follow’ and ‘rupture-repair’, are clear and difficult to contest.  Practitioners with some knowledge of DDP and PACE as well as those who are beginning this particular journey will both benefit from this work.  A highly recommended read!

Dr Christine Hadfield
Lecturer in Teacher Education at the University of Glasgow.  
I worked as a secondary school teacher in England for 10 years before becoming an adoptive mum, moving home to Glasgow and educating myself in all things attachment and trauma.  I now work at the School of Education, University of Glasgow where I teach Modern Languages and Health and Wellbeing. 

Review of “Building Sensorimotor Systems in Children with Developmental Trauma: A Model for Practice” by Sarah Lloyd
 
Sarah Lloyd brings her rich experience as a Specialist Occupational Therapist and Play Therapist working in children’s mental health services to the fore in this comprehensive and passionate book for families and practitioners working with children who have experienced early adversity and trauma. 
 
Her innovative BUSS model considers that these children have not simply missed out on nurturing relationships, but also the physical movements which complement these relationships. It’s important to note that this book is not designed as a manual for treatment, but rather a number of ideas and suggestions which can be adapted to meet the needs of your own child or a child you are working with in a health or educational context. It also differentiates between the functional sensory processing disorders which are typically found in neurodevelopmental conditions and the under-developed sensory systems resulting from developmental trauma. The BUSS model fits nicely with established models of trauma and development, such as the work of Bruce Perry, Dan Hughes and Kim Golding.
 
Sarah writes in a clear and accessible manner, particularly when describing the early stages of motor development, and this is greatly supported by lovely illustrations of infants and practical examples of what these stages might look like in your own house. When considering the sensorimotor challenges which children may face in everyday life, she asks us to concentrate not just on “what” is difficult, but also “how” the child functions. There is a clear theme about the need to spend time noticing how children move and gathering information about their particular needs, before considering intervention.
 
Perhaps one of the most positive aspects of the book is the idea that these sensorimotor systems are “underdeveloped, but not broken”. Several of the chapter headings refer to “rebuilding”; that the children described within the case studies lack the essential foundations of bodily awareness and emotional regulation and thus have to exert a great deal of attention and effort to get their bodies to do what they want them to do. This empathetic perspective is crucial in placing the emphasis firmly on the need to build the capacity of these systems.
 
The book offers a range of fun activities and games which can be utilised to rebuild the various systems, such as touch, core strength and stability, taste and movement. I particularly like the focus on getting things “just right”. For example, if a child with an underdeveloped sense of touch struggles to discriminate between objects in a feely bag, an alternative suggestion is to hide objects in a bath with lots of bubbles. Sarah has clearly put a lot of thought into these hands-on activities and considered the need to take a step back and gradually increase the level of challenge.
 
While a number of case studies are referred to throughout the book, she helpfully summarises these studies in a “catch up” chapter later on; outlining the key points from each child’s assessment, the kind of activities used in the first four weeks of intervention and the initial review with the child’s parents. The fact that the final part of the book is dedicated to parents’ own experiences of applying the model - offering a range of top tips from everyday practice - means that we finish as we started: with a hopeful and optimistic perspective about growth and rebuilding.
 
Dr Christopher Moore
Educational Psychologist

The Handbook of Therapeutic Care for Children: Evidence-Informed Approaches to Working with Traumatized Children and Adolescents in Foster, Kinship and Adoptive Care. Edited by Janise Mitchell, Joe Tucci and Ed Tronick.  Foreword by Stephen W. Porges.

I began reading this book as an Educational Psychologist currently working towards both DDP Practitioner and Neurosequential Model in Education Trainer status & having completed Parent Child Therapy training many moons ago. So, it should come as no surprise when I say that this book gave me deep, deep joy and had my neurons firing & wiring together & may have lead me to reach Peak Geek.

Porges begins by reminding us from the outset that Therapeutic Care incorporates not only a respect for the child, but a respect for their physiological state.  He talks of how this biological state is  the intervening variable in the  ‘opening or closing the (child’s) portal for trust & co-regulation’ and ‘ this will either facilitate the child feeling safe & trusting of others or become defensive & bias the nervous system to detect risk, even when there is no risk in the environment.’ 

Tucci, Mitchell & Tronick then take on the mantle of guiding us through this new paradigm – the principles of Therapeutic Care – the ways in which we help traumatised children to feel ‘biologically’ safe and how we navigate the complexities of all that this entails. While emphasising the primary importance of biological safety, the authors do not shy away from how this interacts with poverty, culture, power and organisational behaviour e.g. in Kickett, Chandran & Mitchell’s Learning from the experiences of Culturally Strong Therapeutic Care for Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander Children and in Farmer & Kiraly’s exploration of the experiences of children in Kinship Care. 

Here, in one volume both the science and the art of supporting children to recover from developmental trauma is outlined. A crystal clear framework for practice lies within. I read it muttering to myself ‘Yes!! 100% this is what we do! A Therapeutic Specialist?? Never heard of that in this context but OF COURSE we can be.’  (Therapeutic Care expands the role of therapist to become relational brokers, network enablers & systems advocates for children in out of home care) The text gives life and a coherent framework to the many emerging & inter-related evidence based approaches to supporting children with developmental trauma. It pulls them together into a cohesive whole and is a seminal text for anyone and everyone involved in the hopeful endeavour that is being with children who have experienced developmental trauma. Unusually, it is both highly academic in its accessible theory and evidence, and practical with examples of real life approaches and of the framework applied in different ways in different settings. 

One of the text’s greatest strengths is the way in which it outlines a whole system approach: that healing is both brain based & relationally based in the ‘experience that occurs in the micro opportunities of the every day’ and that these experiences are rooted in the formation of trust, safety and relational practice across the totality of people who the child interacts with.  It takes a village, but it takes an organised, coordinated, well-regulated village immune to vicarious trauma & blocked care that is able to remain regulated. But hey, if the village slips up, the paradigm gives us some acceptance and self-compassion that allows us to pick ourselves up and get back to supporting each other in order that we can support the child. The approach enables relationships, thinks over the long term, pays cognisance to each individual child’s set of needs and pattern of developmental risk and strengths. It considers the physical and sensory environment and it cares for the caregivers, resourcing the network of relationships around the child to allow the child’s felt sense of safety to develop.  

Teicher & Munkhbaatar’s chapter on understanding the importance, type and timing of maltreatment on brain development and developmental risk was simply mind blowing, their emphasis on adaptive neural plasticity and the snakes and ladders impact of differing types of abuse and neglect at different developmental stages on different sexes was absolutely fascinating & has real implications for intervention. It is then later followed up with Perry’s chapter on a developmentally sensitive, neuro-scientifically informed approach to clinical problem-solving with its wonderful, hopeful reminder of the power of relationships:  ‘the best predictor of current functioning in youth is current relational health, not adversity’ and how its the ‘therapeutic web’ of relationships that lead to positive change & that felt sense of biological safety.  Later still, Malchiodi, gives us a highly practical guide to using the creative arts in keeping with Perry’s chapter on the brain’s need for somato-sensory regulation.

Both Schore and Hughes & Baylin in their chapters write beautifully about the humanity of love, inter-subjectivity an attachment.  Schore expands on Fromm’s work, looking at what we now know about our neurobiology and that our ‘motherly (carer’s) love makes the child feel: it’s good to have been born; it instils in the child the love for life and not merely the wish to still be alive…Mother’s love for life is as infectious as her anxiety’. In this way, we begin to understand the coping mechanisms children have learned to survive adversity – they have developed ‘mistrusting brains’ adaptively prioritising protection over connection. One of the primary goals of therapeutic care is to gently, sensitively and respectfully provide developmentally appropriate experiences, in every day interactions, across multiple settings, to allow these neural connections to reconfigure, allowing the child to experience  relational connection and feel and know the beauty of unconditional love. In Golding’s chapter, building on Hughes & Baylin’s work, both the reality & the humanity of healing that can take place are explored in an adoptive family when we keep in mind the principles of Therapeutic Care and principally DDP to affect longitudinal change. 

Throughout the book, Tucci, Mitchell & Tronick, sensitively offer us Practice Reflections from each chapter, weaving the thread of the principles of Therapeutic Care throughout and facilitating our learning. This is without a doubt a book that I will go back to and read time and time again, that will help me cement my practice and that of our team. It’s a book that made me proud to be a part of such a vibrant, hopeful and child centred area of work and reinforced both my belief in the power of relationships to affect change and my complete respect for children and the myriad of ways their neurobiology helps them adapt to promote their survival. This is a seminal text that helps us all become better informed as to how we might best help the children we support, love, care for and educate to move from survive to thrive. While predominantly focussed on Care Settings, there is so much in the chapters that those of us in education can apply to our interactions with the children in our care. It is a must read for everyone involved in enacting The Promise from the Care Review in Scotland.  And, as an Educational Psychologist I’m hopeful that a second tome follows, applying these same principles to a different setting to help expand that therapeutic web: The Handbook of Therapeutic Education ❤️ 

Ruth Miller 
​Depute Principal Educational Psychologist.  
East Ayrshire Psychological Services.

Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges by Mona Delahooke PhD

If you are a parent, teacher, mental health professional or find yourself working with any children who struggle with behaviour at home, in school or in the wider community then go buy this book NOW…. It makes so much sense?

Looking after a child with trauma and anxiety, who is neurodiverse or autistic, or who has received any diagnosis which include symptoms of challenging behaviors (RAD, ODD, PDA, DMDD, PTSD, DTD, IED, ADHD, etc.) is highly complex and often demanding. It is impossible however, to have the positive influence we would all wish for without a good understanding of the causes.

Child Psychologist, Dr. Mona Delahooke has put into words so clearly and brilliantly what needs to be known about the most challenging kids in our communities and classrooms. In a compelling, compassionate, and easy-to-read format, she has addressed many of the false assumptions that underpin out-dated behaviour management systems. More importantly she proposes a refreshingly compassionate and brain-based approach. Instead of following the traditional path of rewards and consequences to try to motivate children to behave, she focuses on the importance of building an environment of safety, respecting individual diversity, and understanding children’s sensory and nervous systems. Her emphasis on the importance of relationship in a world where discipline has been interpreted as punishment rather than "to teach" is a key message for all of us.

With plenty of scholarly research, along with helpful examples and informative diagrams, her book clearly and beautifully demonstrates the importance of figuring out the root causes of the behaviour as the prerequisite to finding compassionate solutions that work!

This book Is also important because it addresses both sides of the relationship equation (adult/parent and child) and offers effective tools, worksheets and strategies to help meet and understand the complex, and at times overwhelming, emotional needs/behaviours of children.

For so many of children, reward/punishment/consequences/privilege systems for managing behaviour challenges simply DON’T WORK. So often, kids with trauma, chronic stress, and neurological differences who behave in non-compliant ways are presumed to be manipulative, defiant, and in need of more discipline. What’s missing in these children’s lives is NOT “accountability” or “consequences”— most of these kids have been punished more harshly and consistently than most of us can imagine.  What they need most is human connection! Warm, attuned, positive relationships with adults who accept them the way they are. Dr Delahooke has compelling neuroscientific evidence to back this up. Behaviourally challenged kids generally have an overactive stress response system which keeps their brains from developing in line with their peers. They aren’t unmotivated or unwilling to behave better; they simply can’t.

What will help?
According to Dr Delahooke, providing an environment that supports the child in coping with stress and attaining a state of calm security. No one can learn or acquire new skills when they are in a constant state of fear, anxiety, tiredness and/or stress.

Dr. Delahooke has done an amazing job of explaining complex material in a very readable way. This book raises vital issues for the way we treat children in our nurseries, pre schools, child care settings, after school clubs and programs, and in many homes throughout our communities. When we focus only on observable behaviours and labels, we miss the most important thing - that all children have rich inner lives that need to be valued and understood.

This book needs to be in the hands of every parent, teacher, therapist, pediatrician, and other professionals who attribute negative behaviour to matters of poor character and manipulation rather than as a way to communicate needs. The worksheets are clear and applicable for both therapeutic and caregiver interactions. This book has the potential to transform many readers' perspectives which would be the best possible news for all children.
 
Kevin Denvir
Freelance parent mentor and behaviour coach at Kevin Denvir Consultancy and Training.
www.calmerfamily.com

Help! My feelings Are Too Big!
​Making Sense of Yourself and the World After a Difficult Start in Life by K.L.Aspden
 
Help! My feelings Are Too Big! Making Sense of Yourself and the World After a Difficult Start in Life is an easily accessible book which talks directly to young people and not about them. 

Written from their perspective, it navigates around the topics of attachment in a sensitive manner, being careful not to allocate blame or fault. 

It feels as though the reader is taken by the hand and walked through the book providing clear and simple explanations as to why they may struggle with regulating their emotions and behaviour because of their early experiences.  The basics of attachment theory develops through two fictional case studies.  The comparative stories of a child who develops a secure attachment and a child who develops an insecure attachment and how this plots your emotional trajectory is a useful way to illustrate how young people develop their ability to regulate their emotions and behaviours.  This book provides an explanation as to why young people might feel the way they do, providing a potential ‘light bulb’ moment as they recognise and understand their own emotional development.

Starting with early experiences and moving onto school experiences, the author describes what lies behind behaviour and uses appropriate examples and effective illustrations to do this. The book contains a handy section about the brain with reference to specific parts and their functions, which complements the explanation of behaviour.  It talks about feelings and normalises big emotions. It goes on to helpfully suggests realistic and achievable steps to make relational links with adults who can help and tasks to help alter how you feel about yourself. 

This colourful and attractive book covers a lot but does not use scary language or labels; instead it provides explanations in a calm, non threatening, well paced, sensitive manner.  It presents the information in large text interjected with text boxes, bullet points and illustrations allowing the reader to work through the book easily or dip in and out.

This book offers a simplified, accessible explanation of how our early experiences and interactions with our caregivers influence and shape our emotional development, our self perception and ability to navigate and interact with the world around us appropriately, positively and successfully.
The message is comfortably and cleverly repetitive and does not offer a quick fix but instead the hopeful reality of life after a difficult start.

Katriona Hirst
Trainee Educational Psychologist
Clackmannanshire Educational Psychology Service

​“Gilly the Giraffe Self Esteem Activity Book" by Dr Karen Treisman.

Another attractive cover which invites you and children into the book.  Very accessible and comprehensive. The graphics instantly suggest this is a child-friendly resource.  As with Neon the Ninja, plenty of activity sheets which can be photocopied.
​
Exploring this resource I held in mind the children I primarily come across in my role as a Social Worker in a Family Placement Team.  Self-esteem is something which many of these children lack significantly as a result of their early experiences, poor attachment relationships and trauma.

There is a broad spectrum of strengths-based activities within the book – some more cognitive and also many creative and sensory focussed resources with which children affected by poor attachment and developmental trauma could more easily engage.

The story of Gilly the Giraffe explores the message that we are all unique, its ok to be different and it’s important to notice and celebrate the positive things about ourselves and to believe the positive feedback from others.

Many children and adults find it difficult to see the positives in themselves.   Children affected by developmental and relational trauma even more so.
The story is easy to follow and engage with.  It’s important to read the story to your child before embarking on any of the activities so that your child has an understanding of the message.

The structure of Gilly the Giraffe resource is the practically the same as that of Neon the Ninja in that it begins with the story, then provides some activities which are fun, some further,  more in depth activities, and the Adults Guide which has some additional activities.

It’s important to read through the book and familiarise yourself with the activities.  However, you shouldn’t commence using the activities until you have read through and understood the information, advice and guidance within the Adult Guide.

Once the story is familiar to your child the parent, carer or professional should explore their own relationship to praise and positive feedback.  Dr Triesman, in the Adult Guide section emphasises how important it is for the adult to have awareness of this prior to instigating any activities with their child.  This provides an understanding of expectations or bias.

The activities within the Gilly the Giraffe resource range from more cognitive exercises e.g. sentence completion and thinking about situations to more creative activities involving making things, drawing, collages and more sensory based strategies which asks the child to associate positives with smell, taste, touch, sound, sight.  I liked the activities which look at a childs’ various “parts” like the “Russian dolls” exercise and the positive puzzle person.  It brought to mind “parts language” developed by Holly van Gulden (Adoption Counsellor, Author and trainer/consultant), which begins with noticing positive parts and accepts that we also have some less positive parts AND that we are still the same person.
The activities provide strategies for noticing, appreciating and celebrating positives and storing up positive feelings and thoughts which the child is encouraged to remember when things are tricky e.g. another child saying mean things.

Some activities focus on encouraging success and optimism for the future and ask the child to explore their hopes and dreams.

As with Neon the Ninja, the activities and exercises are not prescriptive or exhaustive.  Tools and strategies are provided which can be adapted and added to depending on the needs of the individual child.

Time can be taken over how the resource is used.  The story can “stand alone” or can be used in conjunction with whatever activities are appropriate.
Dr Treisman makes it clear that the parent, carer, professional should know and be attuned to the child and have a trusting relationship with them prior to embarking on the activities so that the child feel safe to explore the issues through the tools in the book.   The child requires to be regulated and calm so they are in a “thinking and learning space”.  The Guide explains that issues of self-esteem and obstacles to accepting praise and positive feedback need to be assessed and understood for each child.

There is a helpful and comprehensive section in the Adult Guide which determines that the adult should explore their own position, experiences and biases.  There is clear explanation as to how this impacts on the adult’s capacity to support the child and enable them to model thinking and feelings.   There are helpful questions to ask yourself in order to explore this.
I liked how the Guide provides exploration of the reasons why children struggle with poor self-esteem and how negative self-esteem develops including poor early experiences, domestic violence, neglect, abuse and trauma.  It also suggests how we parent or are parented impact on our capacity to believe in ourselves including blaming, shaming, rejection, being ignored, positive affirmation and how these are internalised, creating a negative cycle.

There are lots of helpful strengths-based suggestions, tools and strategies for children, particularly those who find it difficult to hear praise and identify positives about themselves and believe the positive feedback they receive from others.

The guide explores barriers to positive self-esteem including cultural, familial and generational differences in how we view praise and positive feedback.
All in all, this resource is extremely comprehensive and accessible.  Some adults may find exploring their own history and position with regard to praise and positives quite challenging and may require some support to do this in a safe way.

There are clear challenges working with children affected by developmental and relational trauma, however Dr Treisman acknowledges this and provides additional strategies whilst emphasising the need to “know the child” and take it at the child’s pace.

The scope of this resource means you can dip into it and adapt the wide range activities which fit with the child you have in mind.

Many of the activities are fun and creative and provide opportunities for conversations, expanding these conversations and enhancing connection with the child.  

This resource would be helpful to use in schools, as with Gilly the Giraffe, with groups of children as well as individuals.  Of course it would be important to have knowledge of how each child managed praise and positive feedback.   It would be an effective resource to promote inclusion and diversity and provide opportunities for individual children to feel noticed, heard and valued.
I tried a couple of the activities out with my 11 year old daughter.   She found some of the sentence completion activities more/less fun and enjoyed some of the more visual, creative exercises. 

I would want to use this as a resource with families in a systemic way which would allow exploration of how the adults manage praise and support modelling to the children in the family.

A valuable and comprehensive resource which clearly explores the issues.  Some parents or carers may benefit from support to explore their own position prior to initiating activities with their child.

Shona Thain, Family Placement Social Worker
(and my 11 year old daughter, Jenna)

Healing Relational Trauma with Attachment-Focused Interventions. Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy with Children and Families
Daniel A. Hughes, Kim S. Golding & Julie Hudson (2019)

I work as a Consultant Clinical Psychologist with fostered and adopted children.  This book landed into my hands as I approached the end of the Practicum to become a Certified Practitioner in Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy (DDP).  And, wow, what a wonderful resource to have.  Its like having a DDP Consultant on hand!
​
This is a ‘must have’ resource for anyone who wants to learn about DDP and develop their practice of it.  It begins logically with chapters that explain the guiding principles, theory and what is known about the neurobiology of attachment and developmental trauma.  It explains PACE (which stands for Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy) as the attitude which helps to provide children with a foundation for safe and healthy relationships.  The experience of DDP is described.  One chapter addresses the ‘nuts and bolts’ of DDP; wisdom that I wish I’d had when I first began practising with this model.  Basically, you are told everything that you need to know to get started with DDP in a practical way. 

There is a chapter on working with parents therapeutically and helping them to develop parenting that conveys PACE.  The book then explains how Dyadic Developmental Practice can be used to create safe settings.  There is an emphasis on thinking about a child’s wider system and network, such as education, social work teams and mental services.  This chapter shows how DDP is more than a psychotherapy.  DDP is a framework for professional practice.  It is a framework for creating strong unified and connected teams around a child in which a shared understanding of the child can be explored and created.  This networking approach is essential for helping children to feel safe, understood and regulated, and it can provide the foundation for successful psychotherapy.  The book explores DDP in residential care, fostering and adoption, individual therapy.  Specific populations are focused upon such as children with learning disabilities, children who show violence to parents and adolescents.  The combining of Theraplay and DDP is described.  The experience of having supervision for developing one’s own DDP practice is described.  To conclude, the book finishes with a chapter on the evidence base.   

This book packs a lot of information into its 335 pages.  It is aimed at professionals although it has little jargon in it so would be accessible to a wider audience.  It is very easy to read and the inclusion of many powerful case examples bring the concepts and ideas to life. 

As I finished reading this book, I was delighted to successfully complete the DDP Practicum and become a Certified Practitioner.  I’m confident that this book had helped me in those final stages by giving me knowledge, support and motivation.  It’ll certainly be a book that I keep accessible, especially when I need reminding of how to maintain a PACEful approach in my work. 
 
Review by:
Dr Helen Rodwell, Consultant Clinical Psychologist,
Co-author of: Parenting with Theraplay; An Introduction to Autism for Adoptive and Foster Families; CoramBaaf Good Practice Guide on Supporting the Mental Health of Looked After and Adopted Children. 

The Simple Guide to Understanding Shame in Children: What it is and How to Help by Betsy de Thierry 

Betsy de Thierry has such an accessible way of explaining complex issues. ‘The Simple Guide to Understanding Shame in Children’ is a ‘must read’ for adults of all ages, parents, carers and professionals working with children and their families: in other words for everyone!
​
From explaining the difference between shame and guilt, ‘....guilt says you made a mistake, shame says you are the mistake’ (p17), de Thierry moves on to demonstrate how shame lurks everywhere  - in our families, in our schools, in our society, in religion, in social media. Often used by adults - consciously and unconsciously -  to motivate children shame does  the exact opposite impacting negatively on brain, body and self sometimes cripplingly so.

The book weaves theory, research and the impact of shame seamlessly,  with both vignettes and also self-reflection points built into every chapter. 
Shame-based symptoms and behaviours are well explained.
Being shamed or feeling shame are unavoidable consequences of being human;  the unhealthy and toxic impact of shame is avoidable.

Betsy de Thierry provides practical information for everyone on how to promote healing from shame – the message is:  ‘’...the way to help the child is through understanding, empathy, kindness and emotional connection,  fun  and laughter’ (p81).  

An essential, informative and hopeful read, highly recommended. 

Edwina Grant
Chair, Scottish Attachment in Action
Edwina is an independent chartered Educational Psychologist and certified DDP (Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy) practitioner and trainer.

Parenting Strategies to Help Adopted and Fostered Children with Their Behaviour by Christine Gordon

​The wonderful wisdom in this book is a most welcome addition for any parent, professional or educator supporting children with difficult to understand behaviour. Although the focus of the book is on children affected by early trauma, (especially children who are fostered or adopted) the strategies and
underpinning knowledge is universally valuable. I found the book to be full of insights which have deepened my understanding of parenting and working with children who have had a difficult start in life.

The book offers a unique contribution to the literature on parenting children with early life trauma due to the inclusion of the invaluable behaviour charts which make up the second half of the book. The charts explain the underlying causes of many common behaviours children affected by trauma display, with useful insights and strategies for interpreting and supporting behaviour when it arises.

It is very understanding of the struggles many adults have in caring for traumatised children and helps you feel understood and validated.
It is not easy caring for children with trauma histories and when a book like this come along it provides light at the end of an often very long tunnel. 

This book helps carers make the shift from seeing behaviour as:
Challenging to distressed
What is wrong with you? to What has happened to you?
What are you doing? to What is your behaviour trying to tell me?
and from focusing only on behaviour to wondering about the meaning and the deeper communication.

The uniqueness and value in this book lies not only in the author's obvious knowledge and expertise, but the clear and applicable charts which really do help decipher and translate behaviour into communication. I have my copy beside my bed and refer to it often. This not only helps me, but ensures my adopted children get a more understanding and supportive parent.

 Kevin Denvir
​(Adoptive parent, foster carer and ASN teacher)

The Simple Guide to Child Trauma by Betsy de Thierry


‘The Simple Guide to Child Trauma’ by Betsy Thierry is exactly as the title suggests - straightforward,  informative  and easy to read.  

I highly recommend this little book – it is so accessible and  so kindly written. A book as the author says ‘designed to bring hope.’ 

In reviewing this book I cannot do better than David Shemmings who has written the foreword.

‘What the guide does is elegantly and quickly is bring a large amount of research – from psychology, social work, neuroscience, biochemistry and genetics – directly to the busy but interested parent and carers and professionals working in this field.  It translates complex ideas into practice-rich language for adults who need to understand the inner worlds of children, rather than simply explore their wishes and feelings.

I particularly like the way the author ‘speaks’ to birth parents as well as adoptive parents and foster carers,  and this compact book could also be read by young adults who have experienced relational trauma.

This is a book to regularly return to when we are struggling to make sense of behaviour and looking for workable and practical ideas for ourselves and for the children we are loving and teaching.

Edwina Grant 
January 2017

Parenting a child who has Experienced Trauma.
​By Dan Hughes with Matthew Blythe
Published by CoramBAAF
​
Dan Hughes defines simple and complex trauma; explains the effects of both and the aims of supportive treatment programmes. This part of the book is tightly packed with vital information to educate parents and advice on how to begin to understand and support their children; particularly those who have experienced complex trauma. Hughes suggests that parents and therapists need to “mentally search for the child under the problems and help that child emerge”. 

By being Playful, Accepting, Curious and Empathetic (PACE) parents can communicate that they love their children “for better or for worse”.  Being and relating in this way helps parents give their children the experience of greater safety, even though their children are wired to distrust them. PACE also enables parents to be “emotionally strong, present, confident and comforting” and able to protect their ability to care. Hughes deals with the differing relational needs that traumatised children are likely to have at different developmental stages of their lives. He also provides a very useful introduction to the educational and social issues traumatised children contend with. Hughes theoretical introduction is complimented by the final section of the book in which Matthew Blythe describes his life as the father of his adopted twin boys. Here we hear how early trauma impacts on the development of each of the boys and how Matthew struggles to understand and support them. Their roller coaster journey together will be familiar to adopters and adoptees as well as full of insight.      

My 21 year old son has also reviewed the book. He says: “As a young adult who has experienced complex trauma, I found the section about the effects of childhood trauma very useful.  It helps explain why I feel the way I do sometimes and why I behave in the way I do sometimes. This information has given me ideas about how to help myself”.

“The chapter on symptoms, prognosis and treatment describes how my early life felt to a point of scary accuracy! The treatment suggestions, based on Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy (PACE) make sense and, if put into practice consistently, work well. However I would say I struggle with the empathetic response that Hughes suggests. I don’t want somebody walking in my shoes with me. I want them beside me, but pushing me on with reassurance. Some people may gain a sense of greater safety from empathy but I do not. That said, the section on helping your child develop internal safety is helpful. It explains that telling someone to ‘forget about it’ or ‘get over it’, is very likely to fail. This is because even as little as a smell or sound can make you feel unsafe/angry/irritated.”

“Some parts of the book seemed obvious to me, however not many people have been through interpersonal trauma. I think the people who will benefit most from this book are teachers, mental health professionals, the police and anyone else working with young people. They all need this knowledge and understanding to get beyond reacting to how young people behave.”

Roberta Manners and HH

​The Body keeps the Score – Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D      £21
 
What a wonderful book – authoritative, erudite, compassionate and beautifully written.

Dr Bessel van der Kolk combines the curiosity and analytical mind of the scientist with what Judith Herman calls, “the passion of the truth teller”, and the refreshingly humble outlook of a man in awe of his patients.

But a word of caution, this book is a challenge. Think twice if you are easily shocked, offended, or likely to wallow in guilt for doing what you believed to be best practice at the time. All we can ever do is our best and our best changes all the time, as van der Kolk himself has also had to acknowledge in his 30-year career.
 
To summarise the content I’m going to start in the middle of the book because it is here that van der Kolk makes the bold statement that developmental trauma is “the hidden epidemic” in society. As a trainer I talk to parents and teachers about attachment and trauma, many of whom think trauma is a fringe topic affecting a minority of children.  Van der Kolk would argue otherwise. He compares the (US) public health budget devoted to both heart health education and smoking cessation with the barely mentioned topic of childhood abuse, the cost of which exceeds cancer and heart disease in the USA.  To halve the rate of depression, drastically reduce alcoholism, IV drug use, domestic violence, suicide, prison admissions and improve workplace performance he believes we need to eradicate child abuse.
 
Even obesity comes in for a radical rethink. Diets, bariatric surgery even a sugar tax may look like a solution to a major health crisis, but for the trauma survivor society’s problem may actually be their solution, eg, being big may be a health risk in the long term, but for now being the biggest boy in class may be a way to feel safe from bullies, or being an overweight girl may stop unwanted sexual attention. Brace yourself for the research from one chief of medicine that most of his morbidly obese patients were survivors of child sexual abuse. Van der Kolk wants to get this “hidden epidemic” out in the open. When he asks, “how do you turn a newborn baby with all its promise and infinite capacities into a thirty-year-old homeless drunk?  He gets us to acknowledge how much relationship rather than genetics shapes development. So, while there may be a gene for alcoholism, for example, stressful experiences impact on genetic expression both in the womb and after birth.
 
Throughout the text van der Kolk gives us a glimpse of his own childhood and family traumas. He also tours the many dubious practices of the psychiatry profession over the course of his career, from the brutal to the inspired, focusing frequently on the profession’s more recent obsession with pharmaceuticals. Drugs such as Prozac transformed the lives of many depressed patients from the late 1980s onward, but in van der Kolk’s experience they did not work for war veterans with PTSD. The difficulty arose when medication was seen as the go to “fix it” for mental health problems rather than being part of a holistic treatment package. Drug benefits lay in their ability to dampen reactions not heal the illness. In the case of the half a million US children on antipsychotic drugs, medication has improved things for adults by making the children easier to control! Van der Kolk reports huge over prescribing in the children of low-income families and children in foster care. Shockingly, even thousands of under fives have been prescribed antipsychotics, reducing their aggression but also their motivation, playfulness, curiosity, general functioning and socialization.
 
Thankfully, amid the horror stories are accounts of the author’s inspirational teachers, such as the psychiatrist Elvin Semrad who discouraged him from relying too heavily on psychiatry text books and diagnostic labels which obscured his perceptions of real patients. Instead, he urged getting to know and respect the person while acknowledging that, “most human suffering is related to love and loss”. Teachers have also appeared in the form of patients such as Marilyn who told him his reassuring platitudes only made her more lonely and isolated because, “it confirms that nobody in the whole world will ever understand what it feels like to be me.”
 
Through his experience of working with patients Van der Kolk has  concluded that “all trauma is preverbal” whether it happens in infancy or adulthood. This doesn’t mean that it can’t be talked about but that talking rarely gets to the truth because it reactivates the experience of trauma in the body. Experiments with fMRI scans show that trauma activation stops the brain’s speech centre (Broca’s area in the cortex) from functioning. Consequently, the traumatised continue to live in isolated “speechless horror”. He questions accepted therapeutic practices in the light of what we now know from brain scans, research and experience and advocates alternatives such as yoga, EMDR, mindfulness and others that put trauma survivors back in touch with themselves.
  
There is so much in this book that cannot be summarised. I have only selected morsels to tempt and tantalise. In doing so, I feel that I have done it an injustice by missing out so much of the content on attachment, traumatic memory, the anatomy of survival, neuroscience and the numerous and varied paths to recovery. There is a huge focus on relationship and connectedness and our innate drive to be part of a tribe, which goes against the cultural norm of being an individual, competitive and self made. You have to read it to begin to grasp the breadth and depth of its reach but I’ll leave you with this summary by the author himself, “Trauma results in a fundamental reorganisation of the way the mind and brain manage perceptions… For real change to take place, the body needs to learn that the danger has passed and to live in the reality of the present. [We need] to think differently not only about the structure of the mind but also the processes by which it heals.”
 
Happy reading!
 
Reviewed by Sheila Lavery

Review

The Bean Seed by Judith Bush & Robert Spottswood.

"The Bean Seed" by Judith Bush and Robert Spottswood, is a book I can relate to better than anything else I’ve read in my entire life.  
To those who haven’t yet read this book will think that sounds crazy – how can someone relate to a seed? 

If you take a moment to think about what a seed requires in order to grow into a strong, healthy plant, and compare it to the things a child needs to grow into a strong, healthy young adult, it is much the same thing, metaphorically speaking. 

Think of a seed that hasn’t been planted properly, with no soil and no water, left out in the sun, abused and neglected.  Now think of it not as a seed, but as a child.  Without blankets, food, water, nurture and care a child will do the same as the seed in this book.  They will start to believe that they are worthless.  That they don’t deserve the love and attention they so much desire, and that only way to survive is to take care of themselves.  They keep all their feelings inside so they don’t show weakness, they build walls so they don’t get hurt and they have developed the inability to trust that anyone else can or will look after them at this vulnerable time in their lives.

"The Bean Seed" is written in such a way that it is easy enough for a child to read with their parents as a bedtime story, or even on their own and while they may not understand it completely, they will relate with the little bean seed on some levels without really knowing it.  As the child matures and becomes more aware of the story and its meaning, it will be easier for them to comprehend as everything finally clicks in their mind.  The simplicity of it however does not mean that an adult will see it as too juvenile or think they will not be able to relate to a child's book.  It is set out with pictures and large text, and written in plain, easy to understand english, but the deeper metaphorical meaning of the book is what adults like myself will be able to take from the book, so don’t judge it by its cover. Sometimes because of the startling innocence and naivety of children’s books it allows the mind to understand things in a more profound way, there is no jargon or unnecessary complex words, just the truth written as if a child had written it themselves. 

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone, be it an adult, teen or child. For me this book was an eye opener because I had never fully been able to understand and come to terms with my feelings, and I couldn’t figure out why I don’t trust other people, why I feel the need to do things by myself, why I keep my feelings to myself and why I build so many walls.  "The Bean Seed" explains it all.  Children do these things to protect themselves, so they don’t get hurt again. It allows the reader to feel like they are not alone, that other people out there have been through a similar experience and that although the feelings they have are natural, it is okay to let go once in a while and let other people take care of you, that it’s okay to trust people again and that it is safe to grow into a strong, beautiful, healthy person that is valued and respected by those who love them. 

A beautiful story and absolutely worth a read. 

'Facilitating Meaningful Contact in Adoption and Fostering' by Louis Sydney and Elsie Price.

This is the first book I’ve read that tackles the issues involved in contact between adopted and foster children and their birth family. It considers the various forms of contact from direct contact, social media contact to occasional letterbox contact and even considers the impact on children where contact is not possible. It looks at the impact of contact on babies who are in foster care and who are involved in travelling to and from contact.  

The book starts with a consideration of the nature of contact today and in particular explores contact in the context of the, often, traumatic nature of children’s experiences prior to being accommodated. It looks at the neurological impact of early trauma and its impact on children’s ability to form attachments. The book stresses the importance of looking at contact in the context of children’s history and the way contact might impact children’s current attachment patterns and ways of managing. The authors are clear that contact should reflect children’s needs and be seen as an opportunity to help children repair from the impact of early traumatic experiences. The book’s use of case examples brings the points the authors want to emphasise alive; they demonstrate, in a practical way, how their views on contact can be put into practice.

Chapter two provides a clear explanation of the rationale for facilitating contact and clearly outlines how to prepare for and support such contact. This, for me, is essential reading for professionals considering how to manage contact in a way that is therapeutic for children. 

The book goes on to consider the impact of contact for babies and toddlers and invites readers to consider what contact does to babies and toddlers in terms of their attachments and ability to trust. The book goes on to consider ‘goodbye contact’ for children who are moving from temporary to permanent care. Given the potential for future contact through, for example, social media the authors suggest that the ‘goodbye contact’ should be renamed ‘goodbye for now contact’.

The book considers not only contact between children and their birth parents but also contact between siblings who are not living together. It considers the impact when children have different experiences; for example when children experience a disrupted placement. 

I would recommend this book as essential reading for all professionals working in the field of fostering and adoption. The book will also be helpful for foster carers and adopters who are involved in contact arrangements. It will help them consider the potential impact of contact arrangements and therefore assist parents in supporting their children. 

Christine Gordon
ADAPT Scotland

Review

'Attachment in Common Sense and Doodles: A Practical Guide' (2013)
by Miriam Silver

With so many books about Attachment already available, Miriam Silver had a hard task in writing something different!  She achieves this, apparently effortlessly, with this well-written and accessible book, based both on theory and on her considerable experience as a clinician.

The book starts off perhaps a little tentatively, with well-known explanations and diagrams of attachment theory and a reminder about the need for not only children, but also adults, to have a safe base.  The author gives a helpful chapter on “why attachment matters” and the impact of poor early care.  Where she starts to into her own, however, is in providing opportunities for self-reflection, through small exercises which are interspersed throughout the book.  These exercises encourage us to reflect on our own attachment patterns, those of the children we care for or work with and the reciprocal impact.

As you delve further into this gem of a book, you find many insights into the behaviour of children with attachment difficulties and their carers’ reactions.  For example, in looking at the possibility that a “blow out” may create familiarity for a child, the author also reminds carers to be aware of their own physiological response: you can’t contain a child’s feelings if you are feeling angry yourself. The book could have stopped here but Miriam Silver bravely addresses the tendency for professionals to label children who come with challenging presentations and encourages us to think widely about the possible combination of organic and acquired difficulties.  

The second half of the book looks at parenting styles and the core qualities of the therapeutic parent, including Dan Hughes’ PLACE (Playful, Loving, Acceptance, Curious, Empathic).  The author addresses the deep shame which many children with traumatic pasts carry about themselves, their triggers from the past and how to help them to change the story which they have about themselves. This is a book which draws you in!  The language is very accessible and the text is accompanied by “doodles” drawn by Teg Landsell, which are very helpful.  

The book is intended for carers or professionals who are dealing with children who have been placed away from their birth parents after early trauma, neglect or abuse.  Miriam Silver’s objective was “provide a fresh approach… in an accessible form”.  In this she succeeds admirably and I commend this book wholeheartedly to foster carers, adoptive parents and to those working with them. 

*****  star rating   
Heather M Drysdale 
Systemic Psychotherapist/Adoption and Fostering Consultant

 Review

 ‘Holding on and hanging in’ (2010) by Lorna Miles 

I have just discovered this wonderful book by Lorna Miles, therapeutic foster carer. Interlaced with both the understanding and therapeutic PACE parenting (Dan Hughes model) of Wayne – a severely traumatised nine year old – it is wise, practical, poignant and playful.  

Lorna Miles takes the reader with her on her family’s  journey to support Wayne to start to grow and heal, and in telling the story she gives an honest account of the many challenges, frustrations, trials and tribulations.  

The book packs a punch with respect to the importance of the team around the family (social work, health and education) working together with a shared understand and a high level of support available.   

This is a great book for parents, carers and professionals.  As Dan Hughes says: 
‘This one story brings the theories, research, professional conferences and training to life.  And makes all the effort worthwhile’ 

Edwina Grant
Scottish Attachment in Action Committee Member
DDP Practitioner, Trainer & Consultant