Review

'Attachment in Common Sense and Doodles: A Practical Guide' (2013)
by Miriam Silver

With so many books about Attachment already available, Miriam Silver had a hard task in writing something different!  She achieves this, apparently effortlessly, with this well-written and accessible book, based both on theory and on her considerable experience as a clinician.

The book starts off perhaps a little tentatively, with well-known explanations and diagrams of attachment theory and a reminder about the need for not only children, but also adults, to have a safe base.  The author gives a helpful chapter on “why attachment matters” and the impact of poor early care.  Where she starts to into her own, however, is in providing opportunities for self-reflection, through small exercises which are interspersed throughout the book.  These exercises encourage us to reflect on our own attachment patterns, those of the children we care for or work with and the reciprocal impact.

As you delve further into this gem of a book, you find many insights into the behaviour of children with attachment difficulties and their carers’ reactions.  For example, in looking at the possibility that a “blow out” may create familiarity for a child, the author also reminds carers to be aware of their own physiological response: you can’t contain a child’s feelings if you are feeling angry yourself. The book could have stopped here but Miriam Silver bravely addresses the tendency for professionals to label children who come with challenging presentations and encourages us to think widely about the possible combination of organic and acquired difficulties.  

The second half of the book looks at parenting styles and the core qualities of the therapeutic parent, including Dan Hughes’ PLACE (Playful, Loving, Acceptance, Curious, Empathic).  The author addresses the deep shame which many children with traumatic pasts carry about themselves, their triggers from the past and how to help them to change the story which they have about themselves. This is a book which draws you in!  The language is very accessible and the text is accompanied by “doodles” drawn by Teg Landsell, which are very helpful.  

The book is intended for carers or professionals who are dealing with children who have been placed away from their birth parents after early trauma, neglect or abuse.  Miriam Silver’s objective was “provide a fresh approach… in an accessible form”.  In this she succeeds admirably and I commend this book wholeheartedly to foster carers, adoptive parents and to those working with them. 

*****  star rating   
Heather M Drysdale 
Systemic Psychotherapist/Adoption and Fostering Consultant

THESE REVIEWS ORIGINALLY APPEARED ON THE SCOTTISH ADOPTION WEBSITE AND ARE REPRODUCED WITH PERMISSION

Attachment in common sense and doodles - A Practical Guide by Miriam Silver

Of the many books on attachment theory, this must be one of the most accessible and relevant. Written in a lively, lucid, conversational style, Miriam Silver, a Consultant Clinical Psychologist, helps the reader develop their understanding of children who have experienced abuse, neglect and trauma and are no longer living with their birth family.

Teg Lansdell provides useful doodles highlighting ideas. Case studies and Reflection paragraphs, where the reader is encouraged to think about their own experiences ,adds a  personal dimension to the material.

A range of practical approaches are offered on how to help children feel safe, trust and become more open to the positive, healing care foster carers and adoptive parents hope to provide. There are references throughout for the reader to find out more about areas of interest.

The range of material in this book makes it relevant to a wide readership: parents and professionals, those new to attachment and those who are knowledgeable about it.

It’s a gem of a book!

Maureen Kinnell
Practice Manager