Book of the Month November 2022 - Up and Down Mum

Up and Down Mum 
illustrated by Summer Macon. 
 
 
For the nameless child narrator in the story, living with Mum is like being on a roller coaster. When Mum is happy, it feels like she can do anything. When she is sad, “it feels like she is in a deep dark hole and nothing can make her feel better.”



​Imagine what it would be like for a young child living with a parent like that and having no one to support her through it. That is why books like this are important. Children know if it’s in a story it must be real for someone else other than just them and so they are not alone.
 
Mum in the story has bipolar disorder, but the child’s experience is likely to be similar if a parent has other mental health challenges characterised by fluctuating moods such as ADHD or a personality disorder for example, making the book’s application broader than the blurb suggests. I reviewed the book with my granddaughter who lives with an “up and down” parent so I was sensitive to the impact the story would have on her. Some of it resonated with her; inevitably some did not align with her lived experience, but I think it helped for her to read it and share the content.
 
This is what Amy had to say:
“I like the pictures and how she (the illustrator) draws the people. I like that the mum ends up being like other mums in the end. I was interested in the story, it was fun to read and I thought it felt quite happy. The mum’s emotions are a bit extreme and she has to go into hospital to help her control her emotions. I think that’s a good thing that she gets help with them. I like the fact that the boy likes spending time with his mum and grandad – he wouldn’t want to have to choose between them. He is embarrassed by his mum but he loves her. He loves her both ways – before her emotions are fixed and after. It’s a bit embarrassing that’s all, but he’s used to it. The mum wanted to be a good mum. I think she was glad when her emotions got fixed. The boy calls her his “up and down mum” and that’s how he makes sense of it. Some days she’s quiet and sad and sometimes lively. She is like a normal person but more extreme.”
 
The book highlights the importance of having support. Although family support is something that Amy understands and recognises as critical she is not familiar with the concept of therapeutic support (the child and Mum in the story see a family therapist). Neither does she have a mum who can ask for help, and that is very difficult for a child to understand. Also, Amy doesn’t have the supportive friendship group that the child in the book has. In essence, the book presents a “best possible scenario” of a child living with a mentally ill parent, which is helpful in flagging up what support is available for families but quite sad for children who are powerless to access any of it. These descriptions of support services are the parts from which I felt my granddaughter disengaged. Reflecting on this left me feeling quite sad for her and other children who are denied critical aspects of healthy childhood that their peers take for granted. Thankfully, Amy does have family who can help her think psychologically about what it is like having an “up and down mum”.  As Amy says, “It helps the child to have his grandad when his mum is not well and they can talk about things together. I am glad to have my nana and grandad.” Young children are egocentric; they think that they are the cause of everything. To have a parent who spends her days in bed can leave a child feeling unworthy of care; having a manic or intolerant parent can mean a child might imagine she is the cause of her parent’s problems. Open, honest an age-appropriate conversations about a parent’s mental health can create greater understanding and compassion in the relationship and relieve the burden of blame and shame that many children feel. In all of these areas this book would be a useful conversation opener and guide.
 
It is worth acknowledging the glorious illustrations. This is a lovely looking book, bright, detailed and really engaging for kids. I would have liked to have seen some more realistic representations of what this child lives with. I think that might have felt more real for child readers. Pictures can speak volumes, we see lots of the positives in this book so it would have been good for the illustrator to have sneaked in some of the mess that kids could look at or ignore if it all felt too much. Amy and I were able to discuss some of the facial expressions but beyond that there were no signifiers of a chaotic home life.
 
The final word goes to Amy, who probably speaks for most children when she says that, “The boy loves it when his mum is fine but he loves her anyway. We just love our mums however they are, although it’s nice when they are well. I like it best when my mum is in a good mood.”

Reviewed by Amy (age 8) and her NanaUp and Down Mum

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