Parenting Traumatized Children with Developmental Differences by Dr Sara McLean

​Parenting Traumatized Children with Developmental Differences is a book for Foster and Adoptive Parents. It is written with the possible feelings and perceptions of the carers in mind; those who may be new to their child or the Fostering/ Adoption world, or indeed those who may be experienced.

The book introduces the concept of developmental differences and is sprinkled throughout with how these may relate to early experiences. We found it an easy and digestible book to read - it has a unique method of unpacking ‘jargon’, whilst still addressing the complexity of the developmental process. It dedicates a chapter to each of the different aspects of development to consider, empowering readers to understand how these components may influence their child.
 
This book considers the shared and familiar experiences of carers being unsure of how to raise and support children in a way which meets their specific needs. It encourages looking beyond diagnoses, to focus on the presenting needs of the child. In our experience this can be overwhelming for carers who are unable to prepare for the complex needs of the children they may support.
 
It provides an overview to principles relating to attachment and sensory processing difficulties, in a manner which introduces these concepts and empowers the carer to begin to consider how these may be impacting on presentation. It provides some examples and foundational strategies for what sensory and attachment difficulties might look like. Importantly for us, though it provides some strategies and interpretations, it empowers parents and Carers to know when and where to ask for help from and does not suggest that presenting difficulties should be remediated by family intervention alone.
 
The book provides a wealth of examples of what and why things may be difficult, without being overwhelming. The focus is on understanding differences, discouraging compliance, moving away from "discipline" or punishment, and bringing into focus children's past experiences and how this may impact upon their perception of danger.
 
This would be useful for families to consider the wide-reaching impact of early developmental experiences, and we would certainly be recommending this to some of our families.
 
Emma Shedlow & Nick Smith
Occupational Therapists
Juniper Tree Therapy

Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges by Mona Delahooke PhD

If you are a parent, teacher, mental health professional or find yourself working with any children who struggle with behaviour at home, in school or in the wider community then go buy this book NOW…. It makes so much sense?

Looking after a child with trauma and anxiety, who is neurodiverse or autistic, or who has received any diagnosis which include symptoms of challenging behaviors (RAD, ODD, PDA, DMDD, PTSD, DTD, IED, ADHD, etc.) is highly complex and often demanding. It is impossible however, to have the positive influence we would all wish for without a good understanding of the causes.

Child Psychologist, Dr. Mona Delahooke has put into words so clearly and brilliantly what needs to be known about the most challenging kids in our communities and classrooms. In a compelling, compassionate, and easy-to-read format, she has addressed many of the false assumptions that underpin out-dated behaviour management systems. More importantly she proposes a refreshingly compassionate and brain-based approach. Instead of following the traditional path of rewards and consequences to try to motivate children to behave, she focuses on the importance of building an environment of safety, respecting individual diversity, and understanding children’s sensory and nervous systems. Her emphasis on the importance of relationship in a world where discipline has been interpreted as punishment rather than "to teach" is a key message for all of us.

With plenty of scholarly research, along with helpful examples and informative diagrams, her book clearly and beautifully demonstrates the importance of figuring out the root causes of the behaviour as the prerequisite to finding compassionate solutions that work!

This book Is also important because it addresses both sides of the relationship equation (adult/parent and child) and offers effective tools, worksheets and strategies to help meet and understand the complex, and at times overwhelming, emotional needs/behaviours of children.

For so many of children, reward/punishment/consequences/privilege systems for managing behaviour challenges simply DON’T WORK. So often, kids with trauma, chronic stress, and neurological differences who behave in non-compliant ways are presumed to be manipulative, defiant, and in need of more discipline. What’s missing in these children’s lives is NOT “accountability” or “consequences”— most of these kids have been punished more harshly and consistently than most of us can imagine.  What they need most is human connection! Warm, attuned, positive relationships with adults who accept them the way they are. Dr Delahooke has compelling neuroscientific evidence to back this up. Behaviourally challenged kids generally have an overactive stress response system which keeps their brains from developing in line with their peers. They aren’t unmotivated or unwilling to behave better; they simply can’t.

What will help?
According to Dr Delahooke, providing an environment that supports the child in coping with stress and attaining a state of calm security. No one can learn or acquire new skills when they are in a constant state of fear, anxiety, tiredness and/or stress.

Dr. Delahooke has done an amazing job of explaining complex material in a very readable way. This book raises vital issues for the way we treat children in our nurseries, pre schools, child care settings, after school clubs and programs, and in many homes throughout our communities. When we focus only on observable behaviours and labels, we miss the most important thing - that all children have rich inner lives that need to be valued and understood.

This book needs to be in the hands of every parent, teacher, therapist, pediatrician, and other professionals who attribute negative behaviour to matters of poor character and manipulation rather than as a way to communicate needs. The worksheets are clear and applicable for both therapeutic and caregiver interactions. This book has the potential to transform many readers' perspectives which would be the best possible news for all children.
 
Kevin Denvir
Freelance parent mentor and behaviour coach at Kevin Denvir Consultancy and Training.
www.calmerfamily.com