Book of the Month September 2016 - Parenting a child who has Experienced Trauma.

Parenting a child who has Experienced Trauma.
​By Dan Hughes with Matthew Blythe
Published by CoramBAAF
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Dan Hughes defines simple and complex trauma; explains the effects of both and the aims of supportive treatment programmes. This part of the book is tightly packed with vital information to educate parents and advice on how to begin to understand and support their children; particularly those who have experienced complex trauma. Hughes suggests that parents and therapists need to “mentally search for the child under the problems and help that child emerge”. 

By being Playful, Accepting, Curious and Empathetic (PACE) parents can communicate that they love their children “for better or for worse”.  Being and relating in this way helps parents give their children the experience of greater safety, even though their children are wired to distrust them. PACE also enables parents to be “emotionally strong, present, confident and comforting” and able to protect their ability to care. Hughes deals with the differing relational needs that traumatised children are likely to have at different developmental stages of their lives. He also provides a very useful introduction to the educational and social issues traumatised children contend with. Hughes theoretical introduction is complimented by the final section of the book in which Matthew Blythe describes his life as the father of his adopted twin boys. Here we hear how early trauma impacts on the development of each of the boys and how Matthew struggles to understand and support them. Their roller coaster journey together will be familiar to adopters and adoptees as well as full of insight.      

My 21 year old son has also reviewed the book. He says: “As a young adult who has experienced complex trauma, I found the section about the effects of childhood trauma very useful.  It helps explain why I feel the way I do sometimes and why I behave in the way I do sometimes. This information has given me ideas about how to help myself”.

“The chapter on symptoms, prognosis and treatment describes how my early life felt to a point of scary accuracy! The treatment suggestions, based on Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy (PACE) make sense and, if put into practice consistently, work well. However I would say I struggle with the empathetic response that Hughes suggests. I don’t want somebody walking in my shoes with me. I want them beside me, but pushing me on with reassurance. Some people may gain a sense of greater safety from empathy but I do not. That said, the section on helping your child develop internal safety is helpful. It explains that telling someone to ‘forget about it’ or ‘get over it’, is very likely to fail. This is because even as little as a smell or sound can make you feel unsafe/angry/irritated.”

“Some parts of the book seemed obvious to me, however not many people have been through interpersonal trauma. I think the people who will benefit most from this book are teachers, mental health professionals, the police and anyone else working with young people. They all need this knowledge and understanding to get beyond reacting to how young people behave.”

Roberta Manners and HH

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