Book of the Month February 2019 - The Simple Guide to Understanding Shame in Children

The Simple Guide to Understanding Shame in Children: What it is and How to Help by Betsy de Thierry 

Betsy de Thierry has such an accessible way of explaining complex issues. ‘The Simple Guide to Understanding Shame in Children’ is a ‘must read’ for adults of all ages, parents, carers and professionals working with children and their families: in other words for everyone!
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From explaining the difference between shame and guilt, ‘....guilt says you made a mistake, shame says you are the mistake’ (p17), de Thierry moves on to demonstrate how shame lurks everywhere  - in our families, in our schools, in our society, in religion, in social media. Often used by adults - consciously and unconsciously -  to motivate children shame does  the exact opposite impacting negatively on brain, body and self sometimes cripplingly so.

The book weaves theory, research and the impact of shame seamlessly,  with both vignettes and also self-reflection points built into every chapter. 
Shame-based symptoms and behaviours are well explained.
Being shamed or feeling shame are unavoidable consequences of being human;  the unhealthy and toxic impact of shame is avoidable.

Betsy de Thierry provides practical information for everyone on how to promote healing from shame – the message is:  ‘’...the way to help the child is through understanding, empathy, kindness and emotional connection,  fun  and laughter’ (p81).  

An essential, informative and hopeful read, highly recommended. 

Edwina Grant
Chair, Scottish Attachment in Action
Edwina is an independent chartered Educational Psychologist and certified DDP (Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy) practitioner and trainer.

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