Book of the Month November 2020 - Know Me To Teach Me (2nd review)

Our second review of Know Me To Teach Me by Louise Bomber
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I was excited to receive Louise’s latest book, given the benefit her previous work has given my clinical practice with fostered and adoptive children.  Louise’s previous books have usually been my first recommendation when school staff have asked how they can best support a child who has experienced trauma and/or attachment disruption.  This latest offering did not disappoint. 


Louise has a talent for pulling together the findings from influential clinicians and researchers within the trauma world, and showing us how we can apply this to educational settings. 

The book begins with a clear introduction regarding the effects of adverse experiences upon children and why relationships matter. I adore her quote that, ‘relationships provide social air’ and it is the adults within school that need to breathe, relationally-speak for children.  I felt the call for us all to become ‘relational activists’.  I was familiar with all of the research and theories outlined in the book.  Louise drew on the work of Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory, Dr Daniel Hughes’s PACE model and Dr Bruce Perry’s Neurosequential model amongst others.  This book is packed with the main ‘must know’ theories.  These models are outlined in a simple manner which makes them accessible.  The practical implications and how to use these theories are clearly set out. 

Louise starkly sets out the current crisis within education with so many of our most vulnerable children being given school exclusions.  She also sets out the financial benefits, and savings, of taking a relational approach within schools.  It would be hard to argue with why a new approach is needed within many of our UK schools.   

The book explores the need to reframe discipline.  It includes examples of zero tolerance strategies typically seen within many schools and what the consequences of this are for children.  The need to recognise behaviour as communication is highlighted, and then ideas for how to respond in a more relational and trauma-focused way are set out.  This is a ‘how to’ book.  Many of the typical challenging scenarios I hear about in schools are included.   There are useful question and answer sections which are reminiscent of the many conversations I’ve had with teachers about adoptive children.  Such as “don’t they need to understand that bad behaviour has consequences?” Louise empathically and logically answers this and other questions.  

Louise walks us through the biology of trauma and how bodies respond to stress.  She discusses attunement – what it is and how subtle it can be to convey safety to a traumatised and dysregulated child.  She provides a useful table which outlines the different states a child can be in – and suggests a specific intervention.  Exercises and questions for the reader are sprinkled throughout the book, which invites useful reflection.  An example of a relationship policy is included. 

To sum up, this is a book for everyone working within education to read, absorb, reflect upon, share with colleagues and then put into action.  And, the timing seems perfect given the challenges we’re all facing during the Covid-19 pandemic and the likelihood that many children will need extra thought, time and relationship-attention currently and in the future.
 
Review by:
Dr Helen Rodwell, Consultant Clinical Psychologist, 
Co-author of: Parenting with Theraplay; An Introduction to Autism for Adoptive and Foster Families; CoramBaaf Good Practice Guide on Supporting the Mental Health of Looked After and Adopted Children.

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